Last updated on May 7, 2020
Life is hard
Everybody wants to be the super hero. We want to master our lives and conquer the world. We want to inhibit all the characteristics that make the ultimate archetype; honor, humility, patience, heritage, courage, altruism, etc. However, sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way we planned.
We all might have found ourselves in positions where we have become the zero. Where we are not happy with our lives. At times it’s not our fault. A layoff, divorce, a death in the family, a disease, child trauma or mental health issue can leave you crippled for years.
But most times when hitting zero, it is our fault that we fell from grace. We made very poor decisions. Hung out with the wrong crowd; we fell susceptible to drug or alcohol addiction, incorrect or faulty ideologies, gambling, exhibit poor eating habits, lack of exercise, possibly crime, stagnancy and/or the continual stumble down the rabbit hole to see how far it goes. We can continue these actions for years in a malaise of utter denial.
Hitting Classic Rock Bottom
Whether you have no one to blame but yourself or not, the first thing you must do to make a change is to accept reality. This is extremely difficult to do at times since our minds always play tricks on ourselves to rationalize our decisions or to pretend that things are really okay.
They say denial is an ugly road but it’s the only road to salvation at times. For most people, we need to be metaphorically hit with a 2″x4″ to get the message. Often multiple times. We need to meet our absolute lowest to succumb to the reality of our lives. That life is unbearable, we don’t like ourselves, our lives, or position in life. We can’t go on anymore! Can we? No, not anymore. Something needs to change.
The reason individuals continue to find a “new” bottom is because the real bottom is acceptance. Accepting that you are doing it all wrong, that you’ve let yourself and others down and that it seems almost insurmountable to turn to a new positive direction in life.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. After all, nobody is your bigger critic than you. You can easily blow things out of proportion when you finally realize your mistakes but it is key to also make sure you take exact ownership. It’s a delicate balance that only you will know how to navigate when the time comes but above all, you must be honest with yourself.
Sometimes honestly reveals a serious problem you may need to seek professional help for like addiction or a mental health issue. This process may be embarrassing but you should not be ashamed of getting help. In some cases, this is the first and only step in your mass exodus from ground zero.
No person is an island. Our actions affect others around us. It’s just a fact of life. We may have hurt our children, spouse, siblings, parents, or friends. We may not have even realized it at the time. Once you realize, it’s now on you to make amends.
Whether we did it with intent or not, we walked around with a mask on. We had to, otherwise we couldn’t face society, thinking others didn’t see the truth so we could continue on our merry way. It’s time to throw away the mask and face the world without a crutch.
Everyone has a true self, and the people we love truly know that part deep inside us. They love us and always leave the door open for a better day. They just don’t want to see the person in the mask again so they may become defensive depending on the transgression.
This is where you have to practice true authenticity. You have to be honest with your situation, you have to make amends by apologizing for your wrongs, and express your diligence on making a change in life so it doesn’t happen again. For them, and for you. In doing this, it will also hold you accountable in your endeavor to right wrongs where ever they may be and move towards the path you want.
This is a process that takes time. However, the human condition is to bond with one another and there is no stronger bond than with family and friends. Eventually, things fall into place. Trust that there isn’t anything you did that isn’t forgivable. You can always come back.
Just keep in mind that something that needs repair needs strong foundations built within the cracks to create that strong, secure bond again. It won’t be what it was but it could always end up even better. Also, don’t fool yourself that it will not take a ton of work on your part. You have to put in the work. This is what you want, right?
Creating a new story
So what do you do when the story is all wrong? That is the beauty of life. You can create a new story. You can flip the script on things you don’t like in life, yourself, or where you are going. What are those things that you’ve always wanted to accomplish? Go accomplish them. Who have you not been serving in your time of selfishness? Go serve them. You still have time as long as you aren’t dead.
When recreating yourself, you want to make sure you don’t exchange one mask for another. Ensure you are creating your authentic self, and not what you think someone wants you to be. Take the time to really self-analyze yourself to find out who you are and who you aren’t. Particularly, during those times you where at zero. We all do stupid stuff that we regret so it’s imperative to acknowledge that so we don’t include it in our new story.
And don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. You have a true self with great qualities. Exploit those qualities for the benefit of mankind. Give back to the world. You will always find happiness in helping others. This is one of the secrets to life and happiness.
Back to super hero status
Our ascend back to our super hero self will take one solitary step at a time. Nobody will do it for us and nobody says it will be easy. Nothing that is worth it doesn’t take sacrifice. It may seem daunting when working from ground zero but you will make it.
Be patient in your upward journey and don’t worry too much about perfection. The one thing we know about super heroes are they are constantly trying to improve and there is no ceiling or limit to how truly awesome they can become. Get used to grinding out day after day becoming a better person. Even if it’s just a tiny step each day, it all matters.
You may not want to publicly tell it but you have a back story now. You have events in your life that may have made you a better person than you could ever imagine. An old axiom says, in order to purify gold you must put it through the flames.
Look at it that way. That this whole process of trials and tribulations are purifying the gold in your heart to be who you truly are. Understand that you can never be who you were before you fell from hero but you cannot be limited to rise higher than you ever were before.
Links you can go for professional help: